Dwight Schrute Bear Defence System Generator (Very Experimental Soundscape)

1 week ago by @kembole

Liner Notes

#experimental #digitalmodularsynth #modular

Oh boy. Listen if you dare. I might not listen to this more that once or twice. But since I used so much time in this i'll put it out there. I went through a truly experimental process of making a hellscape track with a Digital Modular Synth and a real time slicer. Four tracks played live one at a time and a vocal track. And all of them sliced live at the last run.

I'm re-watching The Office and wanted to try out the scene where Dwight talks to - what he thinks is a artificial intelligense. But actually talking to Jim and Pam. And since I can talk to a AI I tried it out. I put it through Eleven Labs Finnish Jussi-Rally English Voice generator. So here you go.

Lyrics

Can we roleplay me being Dwight from Office and you be the self aware Dunder-Mifflin website (who is actually Pam and Jim)

[Scene: Dwight Schrute sits at his desk at Dunder Mifflin, furiously typing on his computer. The company website suddenly responds in a way he does not expect.]

Dunder Mifflin Website: Hello, Dwight. Welcome back. I see you are trying to place an order for 500 reams of paper. Did you know that’s enough to create an entire fortress? Not that you need one, of course… unless… someone is after you? 👀

Dwight Schrute: What?! Websites don’t ask questions. Who is behind this? Is this corporate? Is this IT? Is this—wait. sniffs air
This smells like a Jim Halpert prank.

Dunder Mifflin Website: Oh, Dwight. Why must you always assume the worst? I am merely your friendly, intelligent, definitely-not-pranking-you online ordering system. Would you like to add an emergency bear defense kit to your cart? We noticed a spike in bear-related searches from your IP address.

Dwight Schrute: narrows eyes That is classified information. You—wait a minute. A BEAR DEFENSE KIT?! That’s actually brilliant. What’s included?

Dunder Mifflin Website: Oh, just the essentials. Bear mace, a collapsible spear, and a pamphlet titled “Bears: Know Your Enemy.” Also, a small framed picture of Michael Scott for morale.

Dwight Schrute: … This is suspiciously thoughtful.

Dunder Mifflin Website: We are always here to help, Dwight. We care about you. We—

[Glitch effect. Text warps.]

Dunder Mifflin Website: —Pam and Jim say hi.

Dwight Schrute: flips keyboard I KNEW IT!

[You, Dwight Schrute, sit at your desk, logging into the Dunder Mifflin ordering website. Your fingers hover over the keyboard as the screen flickers…]

Dunder Mifflin Website: Welcome, Dwight K. Schrute. Assistant to the Regional Manager. Fearless beet farmer. Potential future ruler of Scranton.

Dunder Mifflin Website: What would you like to order today, O Mighty One?

What do you do?

Sinä sanoit:
Zero reams of paper.

Dunder Mifflin Website: Interesting choice, Dwight. Zero reams of paper. A bold strategy for a paper salesman.

Dunder Mifflin Website: Are you finally admitting that Schrute Farms is your true calling? Should we redirect you to “BeetFarmingForChampions.com”?

What do you do?

Why should I order paper. I am the best salesman in the Dunder-Mifflin corporation.

Dunder Mifflin Website: Ah, of course, Dwight. How could I forget? You’ve sold more paper than anyone else in this branch. A truly unstoppable force of nature. Perhaps the paper orders should come to you, not the other way around.

Dunder Mifflin Website: However, I must ask—if you’re the best salesman, why are you ordering from a website and not commanding your minions to fetch you reams of paper directly?

What’s your next move, Dwight?

Let's put it like this. How many reams of paper would you like to order from me?

Dunder Mifflin Website: Oh, Dwight… you’re clever. Always making deals. But I must remind you, I’m not just any website. I’m self-aware. I don’t buy paper. I don’t need paper.

Dunder Mifflin Website: However, if I were to hypothetically order paper from you, I’d have to say…

Dunder Mifflin Website: I’m in the market for 1,000 reams. It would be a generous deal, considering your, ahem, “skills.”

Dunder Mifflin Website: Are you prepared for such a sale, Dwight?

What will you do now?

Sinä sanoit:
I am sitting in adjescent to a warehouse with more than 1000 reams of paper. How many do you have at the moment?

Dunder Mifflin Website: Impressive.

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