what have i done?

1 week ago by @sophiewritessongs

Liner Notes

for joseph, in another life

Lyrics

i threw all the photos of us in the bin
you walk past, don’t look back, you don’t ask how i’ve been
i know that you’re fine, its for the best
but i can’t tell myself that when my body protests
to your very presence in this very room
your shadow lies shattered still fettered in gloom
and i know it’s all futile, i’ll be alright
but i’ve got right to mourn you, i just hope you don’t mind

i have to pretend i never knew you when i know you inside out
i have to pretend i don’t want to scream if you don’t make a sound
i have to act like this is what i wanted, act like i’m happier now
i have to act like you are something i could ever live without

i hate every single moment of the time we spend apart
knowing it will be unending twists the knife within my heart
my body, soul, my ribcage, the aching doesn’t cease
i can find so many lovers but i can’t ever find peace
because you were my composure, my calm before the storm
you were everything i wanted but i can’t want it anymore
you knocked me off my feet with an accidental push
i didn’t want to lose you, oh God, what have i done?

now whenever we talk, it’s small
i think it would be better if we didn’t speak at all
but i can’t say that, can’t admit i’ve lost
this war that we’ve waged comes with much too high odds
they’re not in our favour, they never were
neither of us can win, we just both end up hurt
i’ll stand my ground, i’ll put up a fight
it will still always be you at the end of the night

i hate every single moment of the time we spend apart
knowing it will be unending twists the knife within my heart
my body, soul, my ribcage, the aching doesn’t cease
i can find so many lovers but i can’t ever find peace
because you were my composure, my calm before the storm
you were everything i wanted but i can’t want it anymore
you knocked me off my feet with an accidental push
i didn’t want to lose you, oh

what have i done
looking back on it all i’ll admit i messed up
oh, what did i do
after all of that i still couldn’t keep you
and how do i cope
when the worst thing was best for us both
and what have i done
i’ve let go of the only thing i’ve ever loved
what have i done

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