Croup & Vandemar

3 weeks ago by @ceilidh

Liner Notes

#singersongwriter #Neverwhere #villains #Neil Gaiman

Two extremely frightening villains from Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere": I took phrases and fragments of conversation and rearranged them into a song.

Lyrics

Croup & Vandemar © 2/06/2025 by Cecilia A. Eng
based on the characters from “Neverwhere” by Neil Gaiman

CHORUS: We’re Croup & Vandemar - The Old Firm.
Bothersome limbs removed whilst you squirm
Our tutelary dentistry
Can be applied for a modest fee
Obstacles obliterated
Nuisances eradicated
People to damage. Things to do.
Quite elegant and polite, it’s true.
We’ll slice you wide before we’re through!

Do you know what your own liver tastes like?
Mister Vandemar will cut it out for you
And stuff it in your mouth before he CUTS YOUR THROAT
That’s a promise, not a threat, it’s true
We are famed across the whole of creation
We’re skilled in the excruciatory art
If you cut us we don’t bleed but you’ll be nice wet bits
As we prognosticate your future from your heart (chorus)

It isn’t nice to lie, Mister Croup
No, it isn’t Mister Vandemar
I have to say I regard it as betrayal most foul
And state how deeply disappointed we are
We once burned down the City of Troy
And brought the Black Plague to Flanders
We’ve assassinated heroes, kings, popes and gods
Tortured monks and military commanders. (chorus)

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